Re-Emergence
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May my mind come alive today
To the invisible geography
That invites me to new frontiers,
To break the dead shell of yesterdays,
To risk being disturbed and changed.
May I have the courage today
To live the life that I would love,
To postpone my dream no longer
But do at last what I came here for
And waste my heart on fear no more.
JOHN O’DONOGHUE
Lockdown. The word sounded heavy, oppressive. To my surprise, I adapted with relative ease. Inevitably it had its challenges, but there were also aspects of it I really appreciated: moving around the gloriously quiet London streets entirely by foot; the scent of the spring blossom as the traffic emptied out; leading a more pared-down life, and really savouring small delights - such as a weekly latte and almond croissant at the farmer’s market - rather than having these jumbled into a whole crowd of experiences. Equally, lockdown made me realise what I do miss from my pre-Covid life: hugging people; sitting in a café alone, writing; travelling.
When much of the structure we have in place is ripped away, it offers the opportunity to see things from a different perspective, and can help us clarify what really matters. When we’re caught up in the day to day rush with all its demands, it can be hard to do so. Seeing so much suffering and loss has also been a poignant reminder of how precious this life is, how easily it can be taken away. None of us know how long we’ll be here for. Which invites the question, how can I best use my time here?
We might make certain assumptions: for example, that our work has to involve racing onto a crowded tube train each morning to arrive at a building called an office by a particular time, where we stay for a certain number of hours before heading home again on another crowded train. But the reality is - as many have found - there are other ways we can work well, ones which might suit us better. And there are so many different possibilities as to how we can lead a life that feels meaningful.
Life is shifting: the traffic has returned, the scent of blossom is more muted. If lockdown showed us how adaptable we can be, no doubt we’ll prove similarly adaptable at sliding back in the other direction. Adaptability is of course a positive quality, but its shadow side is that we can too easily go with the flow and take the path of least resistance.
The challenge now is to stay close to what really matters, and to not let our desires slip away as the river starts flowing faster again. This takes both staying connected to our centre, as well as courage & commitment.
Our true longings reside deep inside, behind the maelstrom of the everyday, behind our conditioning. They often need time and space to be heard. Contemplative practices such as movement, meditation, journaling can really help us connect to them. As can sensing our bodily response to something. Our bodies are so knowing, yet we so easily override their wisdom with our noisy minds.
It also takes courage to bring these longings into being. Courage, as we meet the voices within us that tell us we should just play it safe. Courage to say no to things that don’t feel right, which can be very uncomfortable to that part of us that wants to fit in. It might mean doing some things differently to how we did before, that go against the grain of our family, friends or community. It also takes commitment - whether it’s committing to small daily changes such as getting up a bit before the rest of your family to have some time to yourself, or bigger ones such as a changing career - as it can be all too easy to slip back towards the path of least resistance. But as with anything, the more we ‘practice’ it, the more it becomes an inbuilt part of our life.
Close your eyes for a moment. Place your hands over the centre of your chest. Feel your breath and your heartbeat behind your hands. This breath, this heartbeat that belong to the unique and never-to-be-repeated one who is you. The one who gets to be here on this earth, in this body, for a limited time. What is it that you need to do?
